Ode to David

I woke up this morning and found myself in an undesirable place. My first impression was to be overwhelmed by the darkness of the black hole I stood in the midst of. The blackness waved over me like a thick blanket without an end. My hands and my fingers seemed to just mesh into the black as if they weren't even there. My eyes were wide open but my sight seemed constricted and shut. I can't see anything.

The air seemed cold and damp so I felt my way to a cold ledge to rest upon and ponder my fate. I was afraid. There were noises but in quick time I discerned they were nothing but drops of water falling from the ceiling and hitting the floor. I felt all alone. With a quivering voice I cried out, "Is there anyone there?"

Silence in the cave.

After months (that have rolled into years) of seeking light in a life that I was called to be, I have now found myself living in a dark hole of a calling unfulfilled. I've been cast off, forgotten, and rejected. Even the one who called me to walk in the light of service has left me to be alone in black silence. After hundreds of rejections that have piled up to close the cave entry way, I can feel my hope disappearing into the damp and dingy. No progress, no direction, no hope. Failure is outside the cave seeking for me...prowling to devour... so I hide in the depths of the darkness. This is certainly not the place I expected to be when he called me to serve him full time 28 years ago.

Alone...in the dark...playing the waiting game.

I dreamed of being in that wonderful place again...outside in the light...where I would be able to finally serve out of my passion, gifts, and my calling...to leave this dingy cave and be busy again. After all, that is was I was meant to be and do. Then I bowed my head and faced the reality again of my present...the lonely cave when I am now. Dark, dingy, alone, without a purpose on a path that I fear will never end. Alone with me... in a black hole.

I cried out again, "Someone, help me get out of here!"

Again, silence.

Suddenly I felt a presence of another. I could not understand it or explain it. I reached out but couldn't feel anyone or see anything. Yet, I felt the presence of something real...no, I knew someone was there. I felt moved not to speak but to just sit and enjoy that presence. Somehow I just knew that whoever was there cared and loved me even in my fear and insecurity. He loved me for who I was and where I was. As I pondered him, I realized that he was the same one who called me decades ago.

My fears then dissipated into the blackness.

In the midst of the darkness, the demise of my cave peril...my dark situation... took on a new perspective. He is still here with me. He hasn't forgotten or dropped me. He still has a plan for me. Somehow there was meaning again.

I was meant to be here for just this purpose....to wait...to just be me... to just be with him.

In my quietness, I faintly smiled.


"You're my cave to hide in...I want to hide in you. I've put my life in your hands. You won't drop me; you'll never let me down." (David while hiding in a cave) Psalm 31, The Message