Happy 56th Jeffry!

When I was born (56 years ago today) I became Jeffry Zakrzewski, kicking and screaming the whole way. The doctor laid me naked upon a cold steel slab with lights surrounding me, hurting me. I was naked; totally naked for the whole world to see. The room's chill was deathly, and the doctor slapped me on the behind as a welcome into a world of pain. When I was introduced to my mother (since my father was in the waiting room), I was the baby who kept putting his hands into his mouth and then urinated in the incubator.

As I was curled in a small ball, I wondered, "Who was protecting me?" I was laid bare without any pretense or embarrassment with my manhood exposed and my disapproval loudly heard by the nurses and doctors. Then my parents had me circumcised without my consent. Apparently they didn't like the way I looked and right away I felt the pressure to conform to the other little boys. Pressure to conform is a lot to handle for a newborn infant who is a rookie to this fitting-in-game.

Not only was my entrance noisy and shocking but I also had to face the unbelievable future life of a name like Jeffry. Can you believe my mother misspelled my name on the birth certificate as Jeffry? It's Jeffrey, mother! And then I discovered that my middle name was Lynn - what kind of guys name was that! What happened to something strong like Brock or Max or Bronson? And then the final straw was my last name - Zakrzewski. Zak-whose-ski?! Was this some kind of cruel joke? Didn't they think of all the anxiety I would face explaining how to say my name? I would have to pick out a wife who is a former spelling bee champion or linguistic expert to live with that last name. It's no wonder my first girl friend, Betty Nutter, picked a guy with the same last name of Nutter to marry. What are the chances of me finding a girl with the same last name of Zakrzewski?

After my birthday, it's no wonder that I spent the rest of my life running from myself. I would leave that place covering up my nakedness with clothes of acceptance and approval. Any innocence left intact from my entrance into this world was simply the beginning of my life's journey. A journey to return to my being naked - my being me.